How to Cope with Anxiety

Imagine you're getting ready to go to a party. You feel excited but also nervous. There's a feeling in your stomach, almost like another heartbeat, something holding you back from getting too happy. You tell yourself, "Better to be cautious; otherwise, something bad might happen." You start to worry, "Who should I talk to when I get there? What if no one wants to talk to me? What if they think I'm weird?"

When you arrive at the party, someone comes up to you and starts a conversation. Your mind races, your heart pounds, and you begin to sweat. It feels like an out-of-body experience, like you're just watching yourself talk. You try to keep it together, but you can't. It gets worse. After a few minutes, the person leaves, and you feel utterly defeated.

This has been happening in social situations for a long time. Or imagine every time you go out in crowded places, you feel panic rising. On a bus, surrounded by people, you start feeling hot, nauseous, and uneasy. To prevent this, you begin avoiding such places, which leaves you feeling lonely and isolated.

If you or someone you know feels this way, you might be dealing with an anxiety disorder. Anxiety is much more common than people think. Currently, one in fourteen people around the world has an anxiety disorder. Each year, it costs over $42 billion to treat this mental health issue. Anxiety can lead to depression, school dropouts, suicide, difficulty focusing, job loss, and relationship breakdowns. Yet, many people don't realize this and dismiss anxiety as mere nerves or a weakness that needs to be overcome. But anxiety is so much more than that.

Many people don’t understand what anxiety is. Is it a part of your personality, an illness, or just a normal sensation? That's why it's important to differentiate between normal anxiety and an anxiety disorder. Normal anxiety is an emotion we all experience in stressful situations. For example, if you were out in the woods and came face-to-face with a bear, you would probably feel a little anxious and want to start running. This feeling is good; it protects you and helps you survive. Anxiety helps us meet deadlines, deal with emergencies, and stay alert in challenging situations.

However, when anxiety is taken to the extreme and arises in situations that pose no real threat, that's when it may become an anxiety disorder. For instance, people with generalized anxiety disorder worry excessively about everything in their lives and find it very difficult to control this worry. They often experience symptoms like restlessness, fear, difficulty sleeping, and trouble concentrating.

But no matter what kind of anxiety you might suffer from, there is something you can do to lower it. It's simpler than you may think. Often, medication is given for mental disorders, but it doesn't always work long-term. Symptoms can return, leaving you back where you started. So, consider this: the way you cope with things has a direct impact on how much anxiety you experience. By adjusting your coping mechanisms, you can lower your anxiety.

In a study at the University of Cambridge, we showed that women living in poorer areas had a higher risk of anxiety than those in richer areas. This wasn't surprising, but what was interesting was that women in poorer areas who had certain coping resources didn't have anxiety, while those without these resources did. Other studies have shown that people facing extreme circumstances, like wars or natural disasters, can remain healthy and free of mental disorders if they have good coping skills. Without these skills, however, they are more likely to develop mental health issues.

So, what are these coping resources, and how can you use them to lower your anxiety? You can develop these skills on your own through what you do; you can take charge of your anxiety and reduce it, which is incredibly empowering.

One effective coping resource is feeling in control of your life. Research shows that people who feel more in control have better mental health. If you feel you're lacking control, engage in experiences that give you greater control. For example, do you often delay starting something because you don't feel ready? Do you find it hard to make decisions, like what to wear, what to eat, or which job to take? If so, try doing it badly. There's a quote by G.K. Chesterton: "Anything worth doing is worth doing badly the first time." This approach speeds up decision-making and propels you into action. Often, we aim for perfection and never start because our standards are too high and intimidating. By doing it badly, you free yourself to take action without worrying about whether it's perfect.

A friend of mine who struggled with anxiety started using this motto, and she found that her life transformed. She could complete tasks much faster, take risks, try new things, and have more fun. "Do it badly" took the anxiety out of everything and replaced it with excitement. So, ask yourself: if you started using this motto today, how would your life change?

The second coping strategy is to forgive yourself. People with anxiety often focus on their mistakes, worries, and negative feelings. Imagine if you had a friend who constantly pointed out everything wrong with you and your life. You’d likely want to distance yourself from that person, right? Yet, people with anxiety do this to themselves all day. It’s time to be kinder to yourself and start offering support. Forgive yourself for mistakes made moments ago or even years in the past. Whether it’s having a panic attack, feeling embarrassed, or not having the courage to speak up, let it go. Forgiveness towards yourself is essential for healing.

Lastly, having a purpose and meaning in life is a crucial coping mechanism. No matter what we achieve or how much money we make, we cannot be truly happy until we know that someone else needs us, that someone depends on our accomplishments or the love we have to share. It's not that we need validation from others, but doing something with others in mind significantly reduces the risk of poor mental health. As Dr. Viktor Frankl, a renowned neurologist, said, "For people who think there's nothing to live for, the question is getting these people to realize that life is still expecting something from them."

Doing something with someone else in mind can carry you through the toughest times. Knowing the "why" of your existence makes it easier to bear almost any "how." So, consider this: do you do at least one thing with someone else in mind? This could be volunteering, or simply sharing the knowledge you've gained today with those who need it most. Sharing with others can significantly improve your mental health.

To conclude, another way to do something with others in mind is to complete work that could benefit future generations. Even if these people never know what you've done for them, it doesn’t matter—because you will know. And that will help you realize the uniqueness and importance of your life.