How Do Narcissists Feel Guilty?

Key Takeaways:

• Narcissists don't feel guilty about hurting loved ones; they convince themselves it's justified.

• Narcissistic defenses warp reality, helping them ignore flaws and mistakes.

• Narcissistic love is more like a transaction, shallow and lacking depth.

Sadly, People with narcissistic traits don't really think about how their actions affect others. They're all about themselves. Even when they say they're head over heels for you, it's more about what you do for them, and the love fizzles if you fall short.

Note: When I say narcissist or NPD, I'm referring to someone diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, not just exhibiting traits. I'm using adaptation and disorder synonymously.

Narcissistic Relationships

Narcissists value you based on what you offer to meet their needs. If you can't fulfill their requirements, their interest wanes, regardless of their professed love.

If you lose valued attributes, a narcissistic partner's love fades. Suffering illness, losing looks, money, or sexual ability, they lack sympathy. Impatience, complaints, and eventual disinterest follow, revealing the shallowness of their attachment.

A Narcissist Case Example:

When exhibitionist narcissist John and his partner Emma got married, they were praised for their stunning couple appearance. Regarded as the epitome of young love, John proudly shared their photos on social media, reveling in compliments on Emma's beauty.

However, when Emma faced a health challenge requiring steroid treatment, her appearance changed. Her face became puffy, and her figure fuller, altering the image John cherished.

Instead of supporting Emma, John insisted she lose weight. Despite medical advice on the unavoidable side effects of her necessary medication, John expressed dissatisfaction, callously telling Emma, 'I didn't sign up for intimacy with an overweight woman

Do Narcissists Truly Regret Inflicting Pain on Their Loved Ones?

Narcissistic defenses shield flaws, preventing self-awareness. Without therapy, narcissists lack guilt, shame, or doubt, dismissing regrets. They blame others for relationship issues, denying responsibility.

Narcissists' Regret: Discarding or Losing Someone

Narcissists regret losing possessions, not people. They value what you offer, not who you are. Your feelings don't matter to them. You are a possession, not a real person. They do not care how you feel, even though they may pretend otherwise.

Narcissists wanting you back after discarding has little to do with who you are. It doesn't imply care or guilt. Their behavior won't change.

The narcissistic person's regret over discarding you may mean various things:

•          Feeling needy, lonely, and wanting company.

•          Regretting not having you to fulfill their needs.

•          Missing anything they no longer possess.

•          Realizing they haven't found someone better and returning to you.

•          Feeling possessive and wanting control, especially if you've moved on.

•          Acknowledging you look better when not close.

Narcissistic Defenses

The whole point of developing an NPD adaptation is that it is designed to keep negative feelings at bay—to not feel shame, guilt, self-doubt, and remorse and instead maintain the sense that the narcissist is special, perfect, and always right.

Narcissists lack emotional empathy.

In addition, people with NPD never developed emotional empathy. If they have any, it quickly disappears when they feel hurt, disappointed, frustrated, or angry with you.

Narcissists avoid reflecting on their own misconduct.

My client, an untreated narcissist with the exhibitionist subtype, shared his self-interest-driven thoughts about his girlfriend. Despite finding her unappealing, he considered staying with her because of her unwavering love and compliance with his wishes, acknowledging the unfairness but valuing the advantages.

Conclusion

When a narcissist says, 'I love you,' it translates to 'I'll love you if you meet my needs and keep me happy.' Untreated narcissists lack guilt for their actions, justifying them through distorted defenses. These defenses shield them from self-awareness, enabling them to blame you entirely. If they believe everything is your fault, guilt for hurting you becomes nonexistent.