My Journey Through Failure and Gratitude

How Personal Setbacks Led to Spiritual Growth and Unwavering Gratitude

Where do I even start? I have so much to say. I know I’ve written a lot of stories about my personal life and all, but I’ve excluded a very important aspect of my life, probably the most important aspect of my life. In my first year of university, I had two carryovers, which means that I failed two courses, so I had to retake them.

The moment I saw the two bold Fs for the courses that I failed, I laughed. I chuckled because in my head I was telling myself, "No, that’s definitely not me; maybe I didn’t check properly," so I literally went over the names on the notice board again. This time, I traced it with my finger one after the other until I reached my registration number and name and the courses for that year. When I went back to my room, I couldn’t believe my eyes—I had failed two courses (a two-unit and a three-unit course).

My grade point wasn’t very low because the ones that I passed; I excelled in them. But still, I was going to retake two courses with my juniors. It was heartbreaking, and I felt like an outcast. I went to a private school, and over here, private universities are no joke. They are very expensive (the fees alone without the extra things attached to them), and if you have to reset a course, people look at you like you’re some sort of dullard. Talk more about having to reset two courses. Just imagine that you have to attend classes with people that you’re one academic year above.

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Sometimes I calculate in my head that I have to go to classes early and pick a seat; otherwise, if I go late, everyone’s just going to be looking at me (things like that). I remember one time I was sitting alone, very far from my hostel, trying to read, and the thought of my parents came to me. I was sad, and I was in tears because, to whom much is given, much is expected. I hate to deliver an unsatisfactory result to my parents; they do a lot for me.

I’ve always believed that there has to be a God overseeing the affairs of this universe, but as far as having a relationship with God is concerned, I never really had any. So, at that moment, with all my tears and my soaked book, I decided to take God seriously. I knew I couldn’t do it alone, and thus my faith journey started from there, in my first semester and first year in university. For me, my encounter with God is perfectly captured in this Bible verse:

"Psalms 119:71 It is good for me that I have been afflicted and that I might learn your statutes."

Ever since then, my walk with God has been, to be sincere, up and down; sometimes it’s static, sometimes it’s progressive. Right now, I don’t even know what it is, but God has remained constant in being faithful to me. God has never failed me, but I have repeatedly failed him, you know!

Over the years, I have detached myself from a lot of friends; some were necessary, some were unnecessary, but as far as feeling the presence of a friend is concerned, I have never lacked whom to talk to because His Holy Spirit is always present and permanent.

One thing you might not know about me is that I’m a Jesus baby, and I need to know, read, hear, sing, and talk about Jesus daily; that’s the only way I keep myself from falling away. Why am I writing all of this? It’s because, through my walk with God, I have learned gratitude, which is something I haven’t expressed openly in this regard or on this platform because I felt like mentioning God would probably push people or followers away.

Why should I fear? Who should I fear? That’s not right or fair on my part! But I don’t care anymore; I’m grateful to God for my journey on this platform; I’m grateful for the followers; I’m grateful for the growth; I’m grateful for the very few amazing people that I’ve met here; I’m grateful for the developers of this platform; and I’m grateful for everything.

My life may not be as perfect as I want it to be, but someone just died right now, and that’s a dream cut short. I thank God for life.

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