Tired of Pretending

Finding Balance in Being Yourself

I was tired pretending that I was someone else just to get along with people, in sake of having friendships.

-Kurt Cobain

Do you ever find yourself trying to fit in a place, only to realize that you don’t belong there?

Maybe at a party where you knew nobody and to connect with people, you nodded along to the opinions you didn’t share? pretended to adore a musician you hated? or praised a movie you never even watched? laughed at a joke that you didn’t find funny? faked enthusiasm for someone else’s interests?

It isn’t uncommon- wearing different masks to fit in, changing personalities to vibe with the people around.

I’ve always been a bit of a chameleon myself, effortlessly altering my personas to please the people I’m surrounded with. Depending on the company I keep, I’d swiftly shift my personality- be it the funny one, the serious one, the smart one or even the reserved introverted one.

I always viewed this my strength, a strength to be universally loved and accepted. I had, in fact, mastered this game of adaptation and switching personalities in different social circles, seeing it as a bridge that connects us with each others’ soul. I kept reminding myself, that it’s not about being fake, but being flexible, it is diplomacy, not deception.

Yet, beneath the surface, I feel this incompleteness and emptiness within me. Can’t they love the real me? Or probably all of us can never be loved for the real us. As the saying goes,

“I don’t think people love me, they love versions of me I have spun for them, versions of me they have constructed in their minds, the easy versions of me, the easy parts of me to love.”

People only know the shades of you, you’ve shown them- the likable parts. But the unknown side of yours? Your flaws and imperfections? We often hide them because there’s a sense of insecurity — what if they grow to hate us after knowing it all? And so, we continue to play roles, wear masks, exist as someone else to fit in. It is extremely exhausting, I know, but it feels like a necessary sacrifice to live in a world that often prizes conformity over authenticity.

so… does that mean we’re inherently unlovable?

maybe.maybe not.

Maybe someday you’ll find people who’d embrace you with your flawsOr maybe you won’t (trust me, I’m on that list too)

I understand all too well the exhaustion of constantly switching personas- it can even make you lose touch with your true essence!But please… don’t let yourself fade away in this never-ending journey of pretending. Do not surrender your authenticity.

Cultivate a balance.A balance between pretending and not losing yourself in the act.

because, life is all about maintaining that equilibrium, right?

After all true happiness lies in finding that spot between blending in and standing out. Appreciate your individuality wholeheartedly for it’s what sets you apart in an ocean of sameness yet always strive for adaptability.

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