Why It's Okay to Be a 'Loser'

The Misconception of Ambition

Who would have thought that being a nice person could be problematic? The majority of people would tell you that’s what they want to be or at least want those around them to be, but as it turns out, what we want and what we say we want are worlds apart. I won't stress or ramble on about how I would like things to be, but I’ll just analyze why this is. I am not sure either if a solution is even possible.

The issue with being a nice person is that you hold people to the same standard as you hold yourself, which turns out to be very problematic. A nice person expects (legitimately) for others to be nice as well, at least towards him, and so they spend their time putting their heart out there for people who keep stomping on it, again and again. They are nice, but people just end up abusing their kindness and disappointing them.

The reason people abuse them isn’t necessarily intentional, but mostly so because they aren’t nice persons themselves, even though they’ll rarely admit that. Being a nice person doesn’t imply all the others you interact with are as well. As a matter of fact, they might be just evil, but you don’t know that you don’t know who is who, and you keep reaching out to the wrong persons. There are definitely good people out there who can repay you your kindness, but the vast majority of people unfortunately are not nice persons, and it will take a considerable effort to find such persons.

Simply put, the problem with being nice is that everybody else isn’t. Others aren’t necessarily intentionally bad; they are a product of their environment, which is pretty much evil. There are countries where integrity is an important part of their culture, where being nice is vital, but for most countries, it's just about avoiding breaking the law, and nothing in the law says you can’t lie or be dishonest (at least to a certain extent). When you add to this mix the persistent suffering people face, you end up having evil people all over the place. Being a nice person in this context makes you stand out and also an easy target everybody can leech off of.

Being too nice often means people get to see us as a free tool they can use whenever they want. They know a nice person will rarely say no, so they see that as a free resource they can use without spending a dime. Whether it's to provide a service for them or to request a favor, they are ready to exploit this resource best they can. Once everybody you know starts thinking this way, you end up overburdened by all these responsibilities which is simply unsustainable.

You’d think a nice person would certainly attract other nice people to himself, but it's quite the contrary. A nice person rather attracts narcissists and manipulators, people who have no morals about using others and manipulating them however they see fit. Such people enjoy when others are at their service and so what better than a nice person ready to do all your wishes? That's really hard to come by and so once they find someone like that, it's very difficult for them to let go. In the end, the nice person finds himself surrounded by the worst kinds of persons who are ready to take advantage of him, and he is too nice to say no.

Would I say the solution is for you not to be a nice person? Absolutely not, the world is already evil enough as it is. It's important to reduce that, but being abused by others isn’t something we should accept. There are means we can put in place to avoid being abused and exploited. It's essential we maintain healthy relationships with our peers while retaining who we are and not letting a corrupt society change us for the worse.

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